I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
