I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
