people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
