my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
