Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Still dying that you shit outside
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
