I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
This is my life. Enjoy the view
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
