where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
