dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
