Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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