Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
