I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
