words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
