I wish my penis had an off switch
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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