whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
