I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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