Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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