He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
