She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
