New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
