At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
