guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
