You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Less talking, more tequila
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
