How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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