i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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