I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
