I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
