I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
