The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
