Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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