Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
