someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
