I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
