i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
