No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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