Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
