Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All the doctor said was why
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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