Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
