my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Randomize
