I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
