Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
