I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Randomize
