My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Someone came in the potted fern
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
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