the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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