Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
