This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
