Nicole vs. Life
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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