Ikea night.
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Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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