Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
