Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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