so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
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note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
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She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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