I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
