I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I could fuck to npr.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
