I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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