and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
