What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Bring me that man meat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
