is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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