I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
