My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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