you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
