She is in my trunk
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
