Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
