I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well I just put wine in my tea
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
