he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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