I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
