I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
