Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
