I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The air was thick with penises
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
