it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize