i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
