Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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