Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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