I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
There's always time for handjobs
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
