there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
