I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
